Ps I Love You NCIS Style
by IrishJAG
Summary: After Roy died, Ziva felt like she couldn't go on. But with the help of 7 small letters Ziva finds herself laughing, crying, singing, dancing and being braver than before. Tony//Ziva Roy//Ziva. Based on the book Ps I love you.


**Ps. I love you - NCIS style.**

**Background:**

_Alright, I have just finished reading Cecila Ahern's 'Ps.I love you' for like the 15th time.  
I love the book, it is beautiful, moving and shows such a deep appreciation for love and life that its hard not to get so engrossed in it. I was reading the last few chapters when I began to think that it seemed like a perfect NCIS story, then I watched the NCIS episode 'Dead Man Walking' and well me being me, wrote some little things down and this is the finishing product...Hope you all like it._

**Chapter:** 1

**Summery:** After the death of Roy, Ziva begins to come to terms with all that has happened, that is until she receives some small notes from the only man she has ever loved.

**Pairing(s):** Ziva/Roy -- (Will eventually, maybe be) Ziva/Tony.

**Spoilers:** Well, NCIS's Episode 'Dead Man Walking' and Cecila Ahern's book 'Ps. I love you'

**Rating:** Eh, I don't think there is anything in here too explicit, but if you think there may be, please tell me.

**Disclaimer:** NCIS most defiantly does not belong to me, nor do the characters or episodes.  
Also, as much as I love the book, love my cousin (The author) and know the book back to front, I do not own any rights to Ps. I love you. (If I did, Holly and Daniel would have so gotten together!)

* * *

**Chapter 1: Heartbreaks and Help.  
**

Ziva walked into the NCIS bullpen a little later than usual. She sulked past Tony's desk, head down, and walked over to Gibbs' desk quietly. "Sorry I'm late Gibbs, I -" She began but was cut off by Gibbs waving his hand once on front of her face.

"I know Ziva, you don't have to say anything" He said softly without looking up to her.  
Ziva let out a small breath and nodded once before she turned back around and walked to her desk.

She sat down and booted up her computer. She could see her reflection in the monitor and noticed how run down and sick she looked.  
Her looks didn't pass by Tony either. He stood up from his desk and walked over to Ziva's, bent down to her level and looked at her carefully. "You wanna talk?" He asked.

"No" She snapped.

Tony was a little taken aback, he quickly stood up and sighed. "Fine..." He mumbled and walked off.

Ziva closed her eyes and clenched her jaw lightly. "Sorry" She said, almost to herself.  
She stood up and picked up her coat. "I need some air" She said before making, making a quick exit before anyone could protest.

She passed by the mail guy, turning her body a little to let him pass before getting onto the elevator and riding it up to the roof.

"Morning guys" Jack, the mail guy said as he placed some letters on each of the agent's desk.

"Morning" They all replied.

Tony was about to open his letter when he saw Jack placed a large box onto Ziva's desk.  
The box didn't look anything out of the ordinary, plainly wrapped, no card, no way of knowing who sent it by just looking at it.  
Tony thought nothing of it and opened his own mail.

* * *

Ziva took some deep breaths as she willed the tears not to fall again. She was the strong one, always was, but as much as she tried, she couldn't be strong during this. She couldn't find a way to hide the feelings or fake the smiles.

She looked out across the Navy Yard, watched the cars come in and out, watched the guards salute government cars and watched the way people just got on with their lives.  
She wished she could be like that. Wished she could just forget everything and get on with her life, but she couldn't. Things had happened, things had changed and things would never be the same again.

After what felt like hours but was really only about a half hour, Ziva returned to the bullpen. Sitting down she was surprised that no-one said anything about her absence. She was really beginning to wish that they would stop treating her like she was about to break.  
She noticed the box sitting neatly on her desk and was confused. She took out her knife and opened the wrapping and then the box.  
She gasped a little when she saw what was inside.

Tony heard her and quickly looked up. "You alright?" He asked.

Ziva nodded wordlessly which only cause Tony, Gibbs and McGee to keep their gazes fixed on her.  
Ziva didn't bother with them, she kept her eyes glued to the box on front of her and it's contents.

Inside there was a picture, about 7 small envelopes and a box of her favorite chocolates.  
A few tears began to form in her eyes. She couldn't believe he did this. She couldn't believe he had kept his promise.  
She picked up the photo in a silver frame and looked at it intently. It was taken right before her world got turned upside down.

**Flashback**

The team had just gone from questioning Roy. He was tired, unwell and over all pissed off.  
So was Ziva.  
She couldn't believe that the one guy, the only man she had ever fallen in love with wasn't going to be around much longer.

The thought alone scared her. She shouldn't be feeling this way. It was wrong and if she continued, it was just gonna make things harder for her when he did eventually die.

One of the nurses came in to check on him, and Roy asked her if she would mind taking a photo of him and Ziva. The nurse didn't mind at all, but Ziva tried to protest. Roy quickly wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her close while heaving his digital camera over to the nurse who snapped the picture before Ziva could move. Ziva had scowled, pretended like she was angry, but he knew better.  
She forced a smile, faked a laugh at his jokes and tried to make it look like she wasn't breaking inside.

Unfortunately, he wasn't falling for any of it.

He called her over to him, told her lay next to him in the hospital bed. He looked at her softly, with a small smile on his lips. His features gentle. "I know this is scary...and I know what you're feeling, cause I'm feeling it too Ziva" He said, looking in her eyes. "But I want you to know that I'm not leaving...I may go, but I'll never leave you. I'll always be around, somehow" He said. "I promise..." He added.

**End Flashback**

Ziva let one tear fall as she snapped herself from her thoughts. The guys were kind of worried now, Gibbs leaned in a little, McGee was standing on front of his desk and Tony was very un subtly trying to wheel his chair closer to Ziva.

Ziva found a small letter at the end of the box, she picked it up carefully and read it.

_"Ziva.  
If you're reading this, well then I can only assume you're not in my arms were you really should be.  
I'm sorry for that, along with many other things I'm sorry for.  
I'm sorry I'll never get to know you more, never get to grow older with you, never get to show you how much I loved you...because I did love you. A lot.  
I just hope this letter has found you safe and healthy._

_There was something about you that instantly attracted me. You were so different to the other people I've met in my life, and I don't know what I did to deserve your friendship but I owe the powers that be a hell of a lot. You whispered to me not long ago that you couldn't go on alone... you can Ziva. You are strong and brave and even though I knew you only for a bit, you made my life. You made my life, but I am only a chapter in yours. There will be many more._

_Like I promised, I'm not gonna leave you. In this box there is 7 letters, one for each of the remaining months in the year. June - December.  
Read them on the 1st of each month and know that I am forever with you. Always. Know that whenever you need me, I'm here._

_Please, take care of yourself._

_Roy. x_

_Ps. I love you."_

_  
_Ziva fought back the tears. She was adamant she wasn't going to cry on front of the guys.  
While she had been reading the letter, Tony, Gibbs and McGee had made their way over to her and had looked at the letter themselves. Ziva, knowing this, didn't really care. She was too caught up in everything.

"Wow" McGee said.

"Yeah...wow" Tony agreed, running a hand through his hair.

Gibbs cleared his throat and glared at McGee and Tony who quickly fled back to the security of their desks.  
"Go home...take a few days rest" Gibbs whispered to Ziva.  
Ziva nodded wordlessly, knowing better than to fight with Gibbs, she just didn'have the energy.  
She gathered the things, the box and her coat and made her way to the elevator without a word to her co-workers.

* * *

Back in the sanctuary of her own home, Ziva sat on her couch reading and re-reading the letter over and over again. She played her favorite CD, a Westlife one none the less and got a glass of wine. She sat there bewildered. It was all too much to handle.

Ziva broke down, sadness washing over her. Yet, she was a little relieved at the same time; relived that Roy would somehow continue to be with her.  
She closed her eyes and took some deep breaths, letting the soft, relaxing music of 4 Irishmen to calm her down some.

She began to think back to the day he left, the day her life changed.  
She knew it was coming, so did he.

On the 12th of May at four o'clock i the afternoon Ziva held onto Roy's hand and smiled at him encouragingly as he took his last breath. She didn' want him to feel afraid, and she didn't want him to feel that she was afraid, because at that moment, she wasn't. She felt relief - relief that his pain was finally gone.

Looking back on it, she knew that she really needed him more than he needed her. She needed to be needed so she could feel that she wasn't just standing idly by, utterly helpless.

Another thought then crept in, it was the 2nd of June. She had missed the first letter.  
She quickly sat up and riffled through the box for the envelope marked 'June'

She ran her fingers over the pen ink with a sad smile.  
She opened it carefully, almost as if it could break at any time.  
She took out the piece of paper in it and looked at it.  
A few tears formed in her eyes as she read the message inside.

_"Ziva,  
If I know your team like I think I do, I know that they are trying everything they can do to help you.  
You told me you never let anyone in before. Was never brave enough. Let them in Ziva. Please. You never know how surprising something can be. You never know, DiNozzo may be a good listener! It's unlikely, but hey, worth giving it a shot, right?_

_Go on, give it a go, for me?  
xxxx_

Ps. I love you"

Despite herself, Ziva began laughing. Tears fell down her cheek, but they were from laughter. DiNozzo, a good listener? Very doubtful.

She smiled to herself and re-read the letter again, taking in ever single word. Maybe he was right? Maybe the team were there for a reason, she could speak to them. She could open up. She knew they would understand.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Ziva put the letter back into it's envelope and walked over to the door slowly.. She opened it and was surprised to see who was there.

"DiNozzo? What are you doing here?" She asked, drying her tear soaked face.

"Come to talk...and listen" He said and held out a bottle of wine.

Ziva smiled gently, thankful for the gesture. She opened the door a little more for him to come in.

Tony walked past her and Ziva closed the door behind him. She knew she must have looked like a right wreck but Tony wasn't saying anything about it. He sat down on the couch and set the bottle of wine down.  
"Right, I'm playing Dr.Phil, or Maury or whatever tonight Ziva David" He said with a warm smile.  
He patted the spot beside him. "You're going to talk whether you like it or not and I'm going to listen" He said.

Ziva couldn't help but laugh at how stupid he sounded. She nodded and picked up her wine glass. She downed the rest of the drink and handed Tony the letter. "Read it" Was all she said before she went in to the kitchen to get a wine opener and another glass for Tony.

When she came back out, the letter was on Tony's lap and Tony was looking straight at her.

"Guess me and Roy had the same idea huh?" He said.

Ziva nodded and walked over to him. She sat down next to him and handed him the glass of wine which he took and thanked her.  
"Right so, talk" He said softly.

Ziva took in a deep breath and for the first time in her life, she opened up. She let go of all she was feeling, tears fell, some angry, some sad. She talked and talked and Tony sat there listening, sometimes giving her a small hug here or there for support. After a while she was drained, emotionally and physically.

Somehow through her rant, she had ended up with her head on Tony's shoulder. Tony's arm slung around her, holding her close to him.  
She breathed slowly, breathing in the smell of Tony. She eventually fell asleep. Tony looked at her with a soft smile, he hadn't the heart to disturb her so he sat there, thinking of everything she had told him that night.  
Ziva had opened up. She had taken Roy's advice and opened up, and as drained as she felt, she also felt a little better because of it.  
She had let her emotions go, she had let her emotions go to the one man she would have never dreamed to be a supportive listener, the one and only, Tony DiNozzo.

* * *

_Now, there you go my wonderful fellow NCIS lovers.  
Hope you all liked it. I know Ps. I love you isn't everyones cup of tea but hopefully as the story goes on you will all begin to see what I was thinking when I came up with this story._

_So to all you who have read the book (Not watched the film cause they are SOOOO different!) you can already tell its kinda largly based on the book.  
Anyway, please read & Review, it would make my day!_

_Lots of love! _

_xxx_

* * *


End file.
